Give Him His Space

How have you been, pals? Hope well. I’ve been up to my neck with work recently when I’d rather be resting on some beach in Hawaii. Goes to show that man proposes but God disposes.


Women  folk as a whole amaze me. I wish there was a course  of study in college termed “the study of the female as it affects the male folk” or something of that sort as I’m sure a lot of guys would gladly enroll for the course. I’d definitely like to understand what runs through their minds as I just can’t get why ladies do this. What do I mean?  A lady , for instance, could meet a guy and within a week, make a decision that this man must be her husband. Her conviction despite being unfounded is steadfast and she’ll be willing to do whatsoever to make it come true. As a result, this lady turns in to this pathetic, needy, inferiority-complex ridden woman all because of a man. Just One Man. A man who wasn’t there when she was born, a man she didn’t know beforehand, a man who hadn’t contributed to her existence in any way prior to their meeting. Then suddenly, for whatever reason, she can’t live without him and he has become the centre of her universe. The worst bit is that in all probability, he doesn’t even care one iota about her and yet she sits there, hoping, dreaming, fantasizing…. SMH….. It’s Pathetic!

tumblr_m711ymS8u41r7hfrpo1_500Okay, maybe this a bit extreme . . . but you get the picture

If men have changed over time, from the previous perception of their values and ideals to whatever they are now, then women are mostly to blame. Take two guys discussing as a case study. Pay attention to these men having a conversation with each other about women and take notes. Then do the same for women discussing their experiences with guys  with one another. The difference is so glaring. You know what happens to a lot of you women? You think ‘It can’t happen to me’, ‘He’s so different, he’d never do that to me, I’m not that stupid’. You women persistently refuse to learn from other people’s experiences and would rather prefer to learn from yours first hand. The problem is when you eventually do, you wallow in self pity and expect the whole world to bath you with reassuring words. Please!!! It happens . .  will continue to happen  . . and may have even helped you in the long run.

Everyone needs someone to be there for them at one point or another, but please ladies, women, girls, don’t wriggle yourself into every situation your man finds himself in. Don’t make it your primary concern. Let him work it out and even if you are sure you could have been of help, try and control yourself. Men like to be ‘the man’ in a relationship. I’m not saying men aren’t worth the stress but even the best of them can still be ‘kept’ if you play by this simple rule. Some may notice when their man seems distant and try their best to play mummy, sister, friend, lover and confidant all in one? Are you Eddie Murphy in Nutty Professor?! Give it a break! He wants his space. Guys love it when women give them their space. Then, they can focus , use their strength and resolve and eventually wade themselves out of whatever situation they find themselves in.

elijah_wood_and_his_clingy_girlfriendWe all know you love him . . . no need to overdo it

Ladies, please! Don’t be clingy, don’t be too needy, don’t crowd or cage him. He already knows how good you are at your ‘future’ wifely duties so don’t over emphasize it. He was eating before you came along, he had clean clothes and dressed smart when you met him, I mean that was one of the things you noticed, yes? Don’t start doing his laundry, don’t become his 24 hour chef, PLEASE! Live your life as you did before you met him. Don’t be tied at the hip with him until he practically indicates that he plans to (not just in words, but deeds by actually getting you a ring).

effects-of-being-clingy-girlfriendYep, he probably doesn’t care

Why would you want to ‘own’ your man? If he’s yours, then ‘owning’ him can only be a counterproductive venture. You mustn’t know and participate in his every move. That stinks of insecurity  from a mile off and is so ‘not cool’. The way you women treat men who love you too much is the same way men will treat you, if you become too clingy. Some women make ‘him’ feel he’s so special, God’s gift to women  – Why? Absolutely nothing. He isn’t and you’re really silly for thinking and acting like he is. Regardless of the countless times you fight for him, he’d leave you if he so desires. So, why stoop so low? Guys almost always already know what they want and have almost always made a decision on you, no matter how indecisive they may seem. If he says he hasn’t then he’s just fooling you; he’s made his choice . . Since!!!

So my dear ladies;
– Don’t belittle yourself for a man even if you feel you have nothing . . .
– Don’t treat any man more special than he already is . . .
– Please never make a man the center of your universe . . .

Just appreciate them for the joy and comfort they can give and learn from their inadequacies. So, as I’ll always say in these situations, next time you feel the urge to unnecessarily treat your man like he’s the center of the earth, the solar system and the universe, think again . . . Please, my friends . . . think again!

I love you all so very much.

By Pascal Oluchukwu Okoye . . . A very good friend

Follow him on Twitter @lucarelli4


2 thoughts on “Give Him His Space

  1. Nice write up . But u have seen a case where a guy had issues with his gf because according to him she has this non challant thing towards their relationship . According to him , she never demanded for his time or money ( they were both working class tho )….
    I think it’s diff strokes for diff folks .. No matter how much men want their women to be independent and all, they still crave to see the vulnerable and crazily in love girl . Men don’t discuss their relationship among themselves cos most times they are scared if being perceived as weak and too emotional but unlike we ladies we are more expressive when it comes to our feelings .

  2. Naa, who said we don’t discuss our relationship? We do dear. Like u said it’s diff strokes for diff folks likewise with u ladies. But generally its always a case of the ladies answering these questions: Wat do u want in a man, How do I want to be treated, What will I tolerate? Can my partner call me a foul name and in argument? etc, before she becomes too clingy, needy and cagey…BTW do i knw d “two working class” u refer to? Tanks dear

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