Fast and Furious Seven

For those of you who were able to read my review of Streets of Calabar,(diss as my hip hop friends so eruditely call it) you should at least know two things about me. First, I’m good looking (What? Haven’t you heard that beauty is in the eyes of the beholder?! Bad belle people). Okay, seriously, the two things are; I love a good experience at the cinema and I drive fast . . . real fast. The only meal this recipe of characteristics could possibly prepare is one that involves me excitedly seeing a movie about fast cars. Fast and Furious Six (or Fast Six or Furious Six as Wikipedia puts it) falls exactly into this category of movies.

Pardon my digression but I must state that having a movie enthusiast as a brother is a real plus when you hate having bad cinema experiences. Since the aforementioned nightmare, my brother has taken to Youtube and the internet as a whole to review trailers of yet-to-be released movies and as a result, has provided me with a sure fire list of movies which would definitely be worth my time and money. The boy doesn’t dull and since the Fast Five was a very good movie, I followed his recommendation to see its sequel-Fast Six. I wasn’t disappointed.

As badt a driver as I am, I still got to the Cinema five minutes after the movie had begun(thank you traffic). As a result, I got out my gun, headed to the technical room and attempted to ‘convince’ the guy there to restart the movie. He calmly told me that he had a family and that I should reconsider, so I held him hostage and ordered the manager down to the room. After a protracted standoff, they agreed to my conditions and gave me three buckets of pop corn too. . . Ok, back from my fantasy world . . . I rushed into the hall like a mad man running from a deranged Lion- madly. I’d normally sit at the back but there was no time, so I sat in front. Apparently, the movie hadn’t really gone that far, so I settled in hurriedly. No time or cash for popcorn (economic downturn tinz) or other assorted cinema snacks.

The movie was simply excellent. The movie began with the entire crew from Fast Five scattered across the World flexing the cash they got from their earlier heist in Rio when they received a call from Dominic Torretto(Vin Diesel). The call seemed serious enough to convince them all to abandon their current lives and reunite. It turned out that Letty(Michelle Rodriguez) from the fourth installment of the franchise was still alive and working for a high rolling criminal gang. Ok, that bracket thing is kinda weird  so from now on I’m calling them what I feel most comfortable with, Okay? Now, back to the review. In exchange for amnesty, the gang led by Vin Diesel and O’Conner agreed to work with The Rock and some female associate of his to bring down the aforementioned criminals who were planning to steal some high-tech military equipment. This equipment purportedly had the capability to crumble nations within hours (classic bad guy things). This in addition to Vin Diesel and O’Conner’s needs to find Letty motivated them to take on the challenge. For the purposes of this review, I’ll be calling the leader of the criminal gang-Boaze (get it? Actor and Boaze). The Boaze and his team were really bad ass and British too (not a very common combination, we’ve come to expect Eastern Europeans to play this role). No emotions, no family, very ruthless and with a simple code-precision.

fast_2563482bActor Vs Boaze, Diesel Vs Shaw

Without wishing to spoil the movie further for those yet to see it, I won’t go further to divulge the rest of the plot. However, I’ll analyze other parts of the movie. The fights were top notch, very realistic and properly executed. As has become the norm with this particular franchise, the soundtrack and camera were on point. The technology used by both teams(Actor’s and Boaze’s) was also as good as we’ve come to expect. There was an ample dose of humour in the movie mostly supplied by Tyrese and Ludacris with significant contributions from The Rock and some other minor character. This blend of humour with action made for very impressive viewing. And that brings me to the action; True edge-of-your-seat, adrenaline pumping action.  The speed of the operations, the improvisations and the primal energy on show by the actors was quite exhilarating.  The plot had excellent twists and turns and the proper development of sub plots had viewers clinging to their seats as the final fight was thrashed out in a moving airplane with cars basically flying alongside. As expected, the Boaze died along with the rest of his crew including The Rock’s female associate who was working for the Boaze(by the way, his movie name was Shaw) all the while. Vin Diesel’s crew escaped unscathed except for Giselle who was dating the Asian dude. She died trying to save the Asian’s life from one of the Boaze’s men.

Fast-1A mild scene in the movie

However, as is also customary in these movies, one should expect outrageous film tricks.  One particular scene sticks out as impossible even if it was tried a billion times. Vin Diesel driving a car at a minimum of 100km/hr jumped out as Letty was being tossed off an armored car (Yes, an actual armored car!!!). They were both on two different roads separated by a chasm in between. As per actor things, the guy was able to not only catch her mid air as she hurtled towards certain death, but to also readjust himself in flight to cushion the fall(abi fly) and land, back first on the windshield of a parked car all with minimal injuries.

As most of you have surely been wondering why on earth this article is called Fast and Furious Seven, I’ve decided to explain(being the ever gracious individual, *takes a bow as you guys applaud*). Well, it came to my attention that a part seven of this wonderful movie has been scheduled to be released next year. Most of you are still asking ‘so what?’ Well, for some reason, the movie producers felt in their infinite wisdom that despite the cracker we had just seen, there was still not enough motivation on our parts to rush to the cinemas the moment the seventh installment was released. So, in some sort of epilogue, during a street race in Tokyo, the Asian dude who was dating Giselle was hit unexpectedly by another car causing his car to tumble and explode. From the car which exerted the damage, emerged . . . yea, you guessed it . . . JASON STATHAM!!!!!  . . . of Transporter and Crank fame. As if the mere sight of him was not enough, he placed a call to Vin Diesel uttering the words “You don’t know me . . . but you’re about to . . .”.

main_image-43626High Voltage + Speed, can’t wait

So, as your friend, I’ll say No! Don’t watch Fast Six, wait till Fast Seven is out and dedicate four straight hours to possibly the greatest mind blowing action you’ve ever experienced with at least 2 hours of JASON STATHAM as the Boaze !!!!!!  (or Actor; one never knows the twists and turns to expect with these producers) I honestly can’t wait for the movie.

Final rating for Fast Six – 9/10 . . . and I’m a hard man to please.

By I.V Okata . . . Great Movies? Count me in!

Follow him on Twitter @IzutaDGaffer


4 thoughts on “Fast and Furious Seven

  1. nice commentary. top notch

  2. “…like a mad man rushing from a deranged lion – madly…?”
    Apart from the above, i agree with you, twas a fine movie. 9/10 though, sounds rather ingratiating

    • Well, I guess the high rating was probably because I’ve got a bit accustomed to seeing really bad or average movies recently. This particular one did stick out like a sore thumb in terms of quality when compared with the others. Probably not a masterpiece in acting but I thoroughly enjoyed it and it is definitely the best movie I’ve seen this year. And about the extract from the piece . . . well . . . I’ll get back to you when I can recall the train of thought that led me there.

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